your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
