She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize