I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
