I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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