I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
