I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
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