His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
