what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
