Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
