I wannas sexs uuuuu
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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