you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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