I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
