So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
