I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize