so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
