I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
