i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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