ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
