he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
