thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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