READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
