My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
