nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
