Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
