I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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