I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
