He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Is this like a preordered booty call?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
