The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
