i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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