Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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