Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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