Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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