eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
