Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
