my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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