Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
