last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
