i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
