did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
