You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
