This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
