Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
