Yo dont text me then not text me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
