Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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