some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
