I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
