And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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