HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
