We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
