just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
