I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
