You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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