Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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