i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
