Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
