I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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