and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
