we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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