I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
