She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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