his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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