I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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