the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize