we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
