After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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