I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
