Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
