I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize