if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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