I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
