Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
