Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize