Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize