He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
