He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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