By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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