I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
