well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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