Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
