i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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