After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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