The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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