I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
