Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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