I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I cut my penus on the lid.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I need a beard to bite.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
