I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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