Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wanna bring you to show and tell
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
