It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
