I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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