I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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