Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
