I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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