Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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