You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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