There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
