Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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