I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
