so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize