ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
