ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize