I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
