Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
