Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
