I wish I could teleport
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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