I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
