So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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