I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
